How To Get A Woman To Squirt

You know how people blame Disney movies for giving people unrealistic expectations about love? Well, I blame porn for giving me unrealistic expectations about sex. If porn were any indication of people's everyday sex lives, we'd all be firing off liquid streams of erotic bliss at every climax. Sorry, but no.

That said, the elusive sex sensation that is squirting isn't entirely impossible. Apparently, for some women, it does come (ha!) naturally. But for others, it may be possible to learn. Meaning, yes, you could make yourself squirt during sex.

First, a little refresher on what squirting actually is: While there's still a lot of debate, Madeleine Castellanos, MD, notes that "squirting appears to be fluid that's retained in the bladder that's released either when a woman has an orgasm or other times." This is thought to involve the Skene's glands—two structures located near the end of the urethra that can produce fluid with G-spot stimulation.

But why the hype? Dr. Castellanos notes that it can feel pretty effing fantastic. In fact, one study showed nearly 80 percent of women who've experienced squirting said it improved their sex lives. "The urethra has all these nerve endings in it, as anybody who's ever had a UTI can attest," she explains. "It's very sensitive. So when you get this rush of fluid going through, at the same time you're having an orgasm or you're getting sexual stimulation…that can be a very pleasurable experience."

That said, "a lot of people think this is the pinnacle of orgasm...and if you haven't done it, your orgasms are less-than—I don't agree with that," Dr. Castellanos says. "For some people, squirting adds to the orgasm, and for other people, it does nothing or it detracts from it. It's not the same for everybody." No shame either way.

Of course, you'll never know until you try. So if you're still curious about making yourself squirt, here's a step-by-step guide to attempting your first time.

1. Get your bed ready ...just in case.

If you do succeed in squirting, things may get a tad...messy. So, Dr. Castellanos recommends taking precautions if you're worried about over-saturating your sheets.

Taylor Sparks, erotic educator and founder of OrganicLoven.com suggests the Liberator Fascinator Throw (shown here), which is made to soak up liquids and softer than most towels.

Liberator Fascinator Throw

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2. Try to relax, and give yourself plenty of time to get turned on.

Have patience with yourself and your body. "It can take some time to get a feel for it," says Antonia Hall, psychologist and author of The Ultimate Guide to a Multi-Orgasmic Life.

You'll also want to reduce as many other stressful thoughts as possible. "Remember that for most women sex starts in the brain," says Sparks. "Start the mental seduction earlier in the day." That means everything from dirty talk to cleaning the bedroom so there's nothing there that stresses you out.

3. Start by focusing on the clit.

"Focus first on stimulating your clitoris, as it'll help bring blood into the area and get your G-spot area ready for play," says Hall.

4. Then, place a lot of pressure on the G-spot.

When you're turned on, insert your middle and ring finger a couple of inches inside the vagina and rub your G-spot, which feels like a small ridged area along the front of your vaginal wall, Hall says.

And realize you're going to need to do it for an extended period of time. "What [you're] pushing on is actually erectile tissue that surrounds the urethra," Dr. Castellanos explains. "As you're stroking that, what you're doing is you're changing the angle of the urethra to the bladder and it's much easier for that fluid to be expelled." To improve your odds of squirting, relax the pelvic floor muscles as you stimulate the G-spot.

5. Get some help from a toy.

G spot stimulation is key here. "The G-spot is about two inches in and one inch up, inside of the vagina," Sparks says. "So, you are seeking a toy with some length and a slight upwards curve." She likes the Le Wand Bow:

"This stainless steel wand is perfectly curved with ridges and a round bulb on one end and smooth and a more pointed bulb on the other end," she says. "Add in temperature play—let it sit in warm or cold water for a few minutes—for a great combination of having a full vagina from the weight of the bow, with the added stimulation on the G-spot, and the use of the tongue on the clitoris."

6. Don't stress about peeing.

A lot of women feel like they're going to pee when they're close to reaching an O. But that gotta-go feeling is often sparked by that fluid coming from the Skene's glands behind the G-spot (aka squirting), explains Hall.

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And even if pee does come out, don't stress, says Vanessa Marin, a sex therapist and the creator of Finishing School. "Sex is messy and there's a lot of fluids involved already, so even if it was urine, who cares?" (But if it'll make you feel better, you can use the restroom before you get started.)

7. Control your pelvic floor muscles

Sparks says it helps to have control of your pelvic muscles. "As the sensation/pressure starts to build, it will feel like you have to pee—that's the time to use your pelvic floor muscles," she says. "Don't tighten them, but push out...as if you are pushing out the pee. It takes practice, but it's doable."

8. Don't be too hard on yourself if it doesn't pan out.

Above all, Dr. Castellanos says, "be compassionate with yourself if you don't make yourself squirt."

If you don't succeed the first time—or even after multiple attempts—it just means your body's natural impulse is to keep anything from coming out of the urethra while you get busy. Just relax, enjoy the feelings, and if it happens, it happens.

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